New rules
In which one of our time's most original political thinkers and social satirist lays down the law.
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by Bill Maher

Rule #26: If at first you don't secede

Rule #25: A word from the Wolf PAC

Rule #24: Put your cervix where your mouth is

Rule #23: Let Bush win!

Rule #22: Bush acts like a girl

Rule #21: Allow Conan vs Onan

Rule #20: Let's re-invade Vietnam

Rule #19: You can't run on a mistake

Rule # 18: If you're going to protest, break something!

Rule #17: The Olympics should be about sports, not Oprahesque melodrama

Rule #16: Conventions aren't boring, people who don't watch are

Rule #15: Terrorists need to get laid

Rule #14: You can't be a Washington outsider if you're already president

Rule #13: Politics is about compromises

Rule #12: Foreigners can't run for president?

Rule #11: No one has their shit together at 22

Rule #10: Valentine's Day, that great state holiday

Rule #9: Lose the twang, y'all

Rule #8: Howard the Baptist

Rule #7: Iowa is not the boss of me

Rule #6: Barbie is a shiksa

Rule #5: DVDs are for losers

Rule #4: Stop believing in slogans

Rule #3: Your daughter's a whore

Rule #2: Recalls are for cars, not governors

Rule #1: Terrorists can't be charities