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When you ride ALONE you ride with bin Laden
What the government should be telling us to help fight the war on terrorism.
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by Bill Maher
A sampling of essays from the marvelous book of the same name, written by the funniest social and political satirist since Mark Twain.
Installment index
Make Them Fight All of Us
 F YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN BLOOD and sent a charitable donation directly to Julia Roberts so she can personally hand it over to a World Trade Center victim, and you've already made the tough personal sacrifices outlined by our president -- shop, travel, and go out to eat -- you may now be asking yourself, "What more can I do to help the war effort?"
What we can all do is show a willingness to change. And I'm not talking about simple, superficial change like putting a flag on our cars or refraining from criticizing the administration. The concept I'm talking about is sacrifice. Some people do it for their families, some people do it to get rock-hard abs, but not many of us seem willing to do it for America.
We were asked to do very little, and we responded. That's the bargain we tacitly make with our presidents: we won't ask too much of you, if you don't ask too much of us.
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Americans today confuse freedom with not being asked to sacrifice. The fact that you can't have everything you want exactly when you want it has somehow become un-American. We'd rather sacrifice virgins than our SUVs: "I'll guzzle as much gas as I want -- this isn't Europe!" Sure you can, Captain America, but just try to imagine a World War II-era American saying, "I'll use as much damn gas and tin as I want -- and while we're at it, screw your victory garden!" They'd call you" Axis Asshole." Somehow, America morphed from a nation that embraced rationing to one that practically impeached Jimmy Carter for having the nerve to suggest we turn down the thermostat and put on a sweater. Even in the wake of an event so invasive and frightening as September 11, not one person in a leadership position in America asked anyone to really give up or rethink anything. Pandering to a spoiled citizenry had become so ingrained, it remained in place even as buildings and complacencies crumbled. "Keep shopping!" the president told us, letting the political chips fall where they may.
"Shop till they drop!"
Yes, we were asked to do very little, and we responded. That's the bargain we tacitly make with our presidents: we won't ask too much of you, if you don't ask too much of us.
Especially in these past two decades of unprecedented prosperity, we Americans have come to love win-win situations: risk-free investments, no-pain dentistry, the high-fat diet. We've grown accustomed to success without effort. In operations like the Gulf War, Somalia and Yugoslavia, we got the lowdown on our "war" from the nightly news while continuing to work, golf, build our stock portfolios and enjoy Frasier. It's not that we don't care -- it's just that we'd prefer not to get involved. We're more supporters than doers, great at the symbolic stuff like flags, ribbons, and benefit concerts. (Sitting through Liza Minnelli is too a sacrifice!)
Nothing is really our problem -- especially when you're talking about an outlay of time or money, or, God forbid, something that causes stress! By Thanksgiving 2001, we were right back to "how to cope" and "things to make yourself feel better." After a hard day of stimulating the economy we congratulated ourselves for getting through this trauma without letting the bastards change the way we live!
You hear a lot of that: if we stop bowling or screwing or whatever it is we wanted to keep doing anyway, then they win! And we pretend we're dumb enough to believe that this extends not just to our American virtues, but also to our flaws. We convince ourselves that even our shameless waste, our unchecked consumption and our appalling ignorance of anyplace in the world except our own little corner must continue -- or they win! No, when you become smarter and less gluttonous, you win. We all win!
And all of us can, if we want to, have a big hand in winning this war. In World War II, the axis -- the original one, not the cover band working today -- had to fight every American, and they knew it. Civilians, and the level of support they give their protectors, make the difference in war time -- a lesson we learned, or should have, in Vietnam. We'd bomb a bridge, and in hours the North Vietnamese towns- people had built a crude but usable replacement. It was sheer hell for our guys because they had to fight the whole country.
Likewise, American citizens today could make things a lot more hellish for Al Qaeda and all the other als out there if only we'd get it on a practical level that we're in the war too, just not on the front lines. Israelis understand that and we eventually will too, but not until our government and our media start helping us make those connections between what we do and how it can help our troops -- and ourselves -- stay out of harm's way.
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