The "Nudie Suit" story | 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Cousin Ernie

FTER MY FIRST REALLY, REALLY GOOD YEAR in business, I went with my friend Kevin to the Dallas guitar show to buy myself a treat. Maybe a "White Falcon" guitar. We looked at every guitar in the place, and came back to one very strange one. "Cousin Ernie" (which was its name, for that is what was painted on the pickguard) was a big '58 Gretsch, that much is certain, and as such is worth more than I paid for it. However, there was so much uncertain about it, it was universally known and despised by Gretsch collectors, so I got it for a steal. For one thing, it looks just like a "White Falcon," but it's finish was an outrageous gold sparkle. For another thing, there was a little red button next to the other switches. The button did nothing and shouldn't have been there, and the purists didn't like that. What's more, "Cousin Ernie" is the stage name that Tennessee Ernie Ford used on the I Love Lucy show. Nobody has ever shown me pictures of Ford with this guitar, but, in the unofficial opinion of Teisco Del Rey, the great expert on weird guitars, it's too weird not to be real. Who would paint "Cousin Ernie" on a perfectly good instrument if it weren't for Cousin Ernie? I mean, who would bother to forge something that stupid?

My conversation with the salesman was colorful. I asked him "what's Cousin Ernie's story?" and he told me to sit down. That's a good sign. He said that Mac Yasuda, the famous collector of vintage guitars, had once bought Cousin Ernie for $28,000, but Gretsch wouldn't authenticate that they had made the guitar in-house, so Mac hadn't taken delivery. As for the red button, he swore that it was stock. There was, he said, a picture in some book somewhere of some famous guy with a stock Gretsch Anniversary with that same button.

There is a group of guitar enthusiasts who complain that the Japanese are ruining the world buying up all the "real guitars." It's generally thought that the guitars sit around, collected but unplayed. I have come to believe these enthusiasts are complaining about Mac Yasuda. Mac now also collects Nudie Suits. Some folks worry about that.

During what I imagine to be years of disuse, waiting for the collectors to stop arguing, the jack on this poor guitar had fallen into the body, indicating that the thing hadn't even been played for a long, long time. I asked the salesman to fish the jack out. I played Cousin Ernie. That was that. I bought Cousin Ernie, for much, much less than the $28K Mac Yasuda had supposedly paid. I pretty much haven't played another guitar since.

One day, a few months later, I decided to explore the vintage guitar store nearest my home. I'd never been in. The owner recognized me. He had a color newspaper picture of me and Cousin Ernie up on the wall. I think I was wearing the Good Looking suit in that picture. He was glad I'd come in -- he had wanted to get a good look at Cousin Ernie, maybe a photo, and didn't know how to reach me. We talked slowly and appreciatively about guitars for a while -- I told him all about Tennessee Ernie Ford and Mac Yasuda. I went home and got the guitar, came back, opened the case -- now remember this was, like, a Thursday afternoon -- and into the empty store walked a Japanese guy, followed by two guys carrying briefcases.

He pointed at the guitar in the case, and said, very deadpan, "Cousin Ernie. I know this guitar. It's not real."

"You know this guitar?"

"Yes. I once paid $28,000 for this guitar. It's not real. I didn't take delivery." He turned to go.

"Wait! Can I have a card? I might want to get more information on the history of this guitar." He scrawled his name and number on a piece of paper. Mac Yasuda.

"Are you going to the Dallas show this year?"

"No, I've got a guitar I like playing."

"Hmmmm." He left.

"Who was that guy?" asked the store owner. I showed him the piece of paper. "MAC YASUDA?!?!" he screamed, and started wildly flipping off the exit door. "I wouldn't have sold you anything anyway, ya jerk! I don't NEED your money!!!!"

Next page | The Nile Valley
1, 2, 3, 4, 5