ARBIE IS A SHIKSA. Now, while the rest of the world honored the second anniversary of 9/11 by cracking down on terrorism, the people responsible for the attack zeroed in on the real problem facing the world: Barbie. That's right. Saudi Arabian police declared Barbie offensive to Islam as well as a "Jewish doll," and banished her from the kingdom. Barbie was then whisked to the French Riviera in a private jet where she was plied with cocaine and drinks and then raped all night by 2,000 Saudi princes.

Barbie a "Jewish doll"? Oh, I guess there's some evidence for that. It's true, when you put Ken on top of her, she just lays there. But maybe that's because Ken is gay. Which is why it always says he comes separately.

Anyway, Saudi Arabians, if you're worried that Barbie is offensive to Islam, you have no idea how offensive we can be. We've got Christians, Jews, lesbians, pork chops, ass-less chaps, loud music. And that's just at one restaurant in West Hollywood.

The truth is, the Saudis and the terrorists who extort their support at our expense are all about the purity of the 7th century until it suits their needs. If the West is so tainted, why don't they stop using our technology. This week, bin Laden put out a new videotape. Guess who invented videotape? Not anybody named Abu. Same goes for satellite phones, computers, SUVs and everything else the terrorists used to hatch their evil plans. They were all invented by the Infidels. The last new idea coming out of Arabia was something about stonings at night when it's cooler.

You know, I don't know where Osama bin Laden is hiding, but I do know one place he's never been: the Patent Office. If we're so bad, then why don't you go back to homing pigeons and camels and those big curved swords. Because if there's anything more annoying than an evil doer, it's a hypocritical evil doer.

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